I would like to meet a nice woman to marry. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. Some things are easier said than done, but it seems with each passing year it becomes damn near impossible…

Outside of the occasional outing with Sapphire, I haven’t slept with or dated another woman in over a year. For a while I wasn’t looking for anyone. Honestly, I just stopped looking. The pickings are so slim here in Atlanta that I said, “Fuck it.”

But…I’m lonely. And loneliness can be deafening and depressing.

I want someone in my life. I want to wake up next to someone. I want someone to look after me when I’m ill (and vice versa). I want to marry and raise a family. I want to buy a home. I want to grow old with someone.

There was a woman who I thought I would marry. She lived in Las Vegas, NV, but later moved to Portland, OR with a woman she met. Soon after she stopped speaking to me…just like that. I can only assume she meant more to me than I ever did to her. I’ve let go. Maybe she’s happy…I hope so.

Maybe I should use this time to focus my attention on growing and improving myself. I’m still a work in progress.

As hard as I try to be stable and established in my professional life I can admit I’m not quite there yet. I make a decent living to support myself, but I would never be happy supporting a family of 3 or 4 on my salary.

My savings has taken a hit with a number of health issues. I still suffer from acid reflux disease though it is maintained. My asthma, which lay dormant for 15 years has come back with a vengeance. I also have developed what appears to be sleep apnea (though this hasn’t been diagnosed yet).

My health is a big concern for me these days. I’m still active in the gym, but there are some issues that just seem to be beyond my control. Some of it is due to genetics…some of it comes from the environment (i.e., the wildfires). Either way it’s my responsibility to take care of myself. Maybe one day there will be someone there to help take care of me…