Grand opening…grand closing. I’m officially throwing in the towel on this 60 day challenge. This shit just isn’t working out.
The biggest issue is I have to pursue women. Aside from getting over my shyness, I have to be honest about something. Generally, at least here in Atlanta (I’m not sure if this is a universal issue for me) I do not find the average black lesbian attractive. This has hit me like a ton of bricks recently.
The black women who I find myself attracted are not average. They are usually very feminine and pretty. They usually take very good care of themselves. They usually have their act together. They are usually STRAIGHT or BISEXUAL.
The average black lesbian here in Atlanta is fat as hell (both the fem and the Studs), masculine, ratchet, ugly as hell, and just unpleasant to be around or look at. They usually have KIDS (plural) and they usually have questionable past experiences….with men.
I know I’m going to get a whole bunch of bullshit about how I “shouldn’t just look at the physical…” but give me a fucking break. Who wants to fuck with someone who they don’t find physically attractive???
I’m guilty as hell of being shallow. However, I don’t believe I’m asking for anything I’m not bringing to the table.
I’m childless. I take care of myself and I keep myself up. I own my home. I have a decent paying job. Outside of my mortgage I don’t have any major responsibilities or liabilities. I’m ambitious and I have a good head on my shoulders. I’m thoughtful, loving, and faithful. I can be an asshole at times, but generally I’m playful, funny, and respectful.
I cannot for the life of me find another black woman like ME.
Trying to find an on-point, childless, educated, attractive and physically fit black lesbian who is CONFIDENT in her sexual orientation here is not easy.
And this isn’t something I just started bitching about. I’ve been complaining about the SAME shit since I started this blog at 24 years old. Even in my mid-twenties I found it damn near impossible to find quality black lesbians here.
We have a platoon of trashy women here. It really is a cesspool.
And I don’t care if this post hurts feelings. It hurts because many of you either feel the same way, understand my frustration, or fit the description of what I find unattractive (I ain’t saying no names. I don’t even know most of you…so don’t come for me or take this post as a personal affront).
I’m at the point now where I’m like fuck it.
I’m going to stop throwing the nice decent woman, who happens to be white, in the trash and commit to her. She is stable and she is down for me. She’s been patient with my ass…though I sure as hell don’t deserve it. I haven’t been in a relationship since her because I’ve been chasing some fantasy….a dream…an idea.
I’m not getting any younger and frankly I’m not willing to continue holding out on the “idea” of having a black family with a black woman anymore.