Sapphire has breezed back into my life and I have mixed feelings about it.

For almost a year, Sapphire has been living in Canada (she is from Canada) with her mother, who was battling cancer. Now that her mother is in the clear she has moved back to Atlanta, and it appears she wants to pick up where we left off.

When Sapphire left she made it clear that she didn’t want me to wait for her because she didn’t know when she was coming back. I did as she asked. I moved on though I haven’t been in a relationship since her.

While she was away we kept in touch.┬áPeriodically, I would receive a text or a phone call. Ever so often I would check on her and inquire about her mother’s condition.

A year is a short time, but it was enough time for me to reevaluate my feelings for her (once strong…though often conflicted because she is a white woman).

On one hand I care for her. On the other hand I’m not sure Sapphire fits into my world. I’m not sure I want to be involved with a white woman. I’m not sure I want to be with a white woman with everything happening in this country between black people and White America.

Furthermore, in my mind I’ve always had a vision of the woman I want to spend my life with and the family I hope to raise. She is a Michelle Obama/Clair Huxtable type…someone beautiful inside and out. Together we have a strong loving BLACK family.

It’s nice to dream, but the older I get the more I realize it might not happen this way. I might not end up with Michelle Obama/Clair Huxtable or my ideal black family. With that said…

I don’t want a white woman as a substitute.