This is goodbye.
After giving it some thought I have decided to retire from blogging. My heart is not in it anymore and truthfully I want to make a clean break from the internet period.
I think I spend too much time online and I know it can’t be healthy. I’m getting off the internet and social media.
This moment is kind of bittersweet. I started my blog in 2009 at one of the lowest points in my life and I’m leaving it at one of the highest points in my life.
In 2009, I was a depressed borderline suicidal twenty-four year old woman. I was unemployed, womanless, and living home with my father.
Today I am a successful woman who will be turning 32 on Monday and I will become a homeowner on July 14.
In the time you’ve been following me I have found love, lost love, experienced depression, heartbreak, shock, anger, racism, sexism, good times, and the death of someone dear to me (my grandmother).
I got my master’s degree. I found a well paying job. I’ve experienced some financial success. I improved my life.
You’ve read my dreams, desires and obstacles.
You’ve seen me overcome crime and personal challenges (i.e., having my car stolen in the middle of the night).
You’ve seen me give my heart and soul to women.
You’ve seen me get my heartbroken.
You’ve seen me experience health scares and challenges.
You’ve seen my insecurities, fears, and hatred for others.
I promised myself that I would own a home by age thirty. This was offset by the theft of my vehicle which forced me to buy a new car almost two years ago when I was 30.
I promised myself that I would not experience the hunger I felt as a girl from living in poverty. I haven’t known that feeling for many years.
I promised myself I would be able to support a family. If I should ever have one I am in great shape.
The only thing in my that I promised would happened that has not is long term unconditional love.
I have not met the woman I want to marry or have a family with. Maybe it’s not in the cards for me…maybe it just hasn’t happened for me yet.
At this moment, I want her, whoever she is, more than I’ve ever wanted anything other than financial security and a home.
All good things must come to an end. My journey will continue…away from this blog.
I hope you have found something in me and my blog that you enjoyed. I hope I have inspired other confused, angry, depressed black lesbians to live their truth. I hope I have given a voice (while not always positive) to the thoughts and feelings of other black lesbians (and perhaps black women in general) like myself.
This blog will stay up until my paid service expires early next year. My old blog, which is free through blogger, will remain up. Once the paid service expires this blog will simply cease to exist. I think at that point I will officially delete my twitter and Facebook account that corresponds with this blog.
For those of you who wish to keep in touch, you are free to email me, but if I don’t respond that means I’m not interested in speaking with you. This is not personal but there are some people here who I feel have come at me in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable.
I wish you all the best. Thanks for being here when I needed you.