I’m currently not talking to my parents.
We’ve never had the best relationship, but it seems the older I get the more impatient I am with them. The animosity I feel towards both of them has been growing for years, but I think it finally came to a head in my late twenties/early thirties. Why? Because I stopped looking for any type of approval, validation, or anything else from them.
I don’t have much of anything good to say about my mama. I barely see her. I haven’t seen my mama since Mother’s Day 2017. Out of the kindness of my heart I bought her a fitbit to help her lose weight. For my birthday I got a phone call.
When I was injured in a car accident and found myself assed out strapped down to a bed with a neck brace around my neck, pain in my back, and tears in my eyes she gave me her ass to kiss….having told me she wasn’t driving to Atlanta to be by my side.
I have lived in my home for almost 6 months. My mama hasn’t seen my house.
Prior to buying my home I lived in a studio apartment for five years. Not once did my mother ever visit that apartment.
When I graduated from college my mama wasn’t there.
When I got my Master’s degree my mama wasn’t there.
When I closed on my home my mama wasn’t there.
If there was ever such thing as a deadbeat mother my mama would fit the bill. As of November of 2017 I have decided I no longer have a mother. As far as I’m concerned my mama, the only mother I’ve ever had, died in May 2014.
My dad has always been there when I needed him. He helped move me into my home. When I have needed him over the years he has always been here for me. So what’s the problem?
His attitude is unbearable.
My father is one of the most negative, angriest, and frankly the most ignorant people you will ever meet. He is grouchy for no apparent reason. He’s one of those people that you might find unapproachable because they have such an unlikable disposition about themselves. I don’t like to ask for his help for anything because most of the time it feels like I’m burdening and bothering him.
I know my dad is getting old. He is pushing 60 years old. When he came to help me move into my house that was the first time I really looked at him and saw that he looks his age. I found myself asking myself when did my dad get old? Either I wasn’t paying attention and/or I don’t see him enough but I didn’t recognize the reality that my dad is leaving middle age and approaching his senior/twilight years. When I did finally recognize my dad’s age, and his growing angry/grouchy attitude I decided I didn’t want to be around him if I can help it.
Part of my resentment towards my dad comes from his short-comings. Growing up I watched him sink thousands of dollars into get rich quick schemes under the delusion of “creating a business.” I watched him lose job after job. I watched him sit on his ass and do nothing at all with his life until the government declared him a disabled veteran…then he decided to sit on his ass on the government’s dime.
I’m sorry but I don’t enjoy being nagged, yelled at, or told what I shouldn’t do. Hell I am a grown ass woman and my dad still talks to me like I’m a child. He doesn’t find his barking and hollering abusive at all. He is a mean motherfucker most of the time.
I probably should note that my dad doesn’t appear to have any friends and since grandma died he doesn’t have any close family other than me and my brother. I think this is part of his problem. He is lonely as hell. He lives in a big house by himself. This is largely his fault because he treated people…friends and family…like shit when he was younger and they don’t care to be around him now that he’s older.
Everything finally came to a head when I told him in no uncertain terms if he didn’t change his ways and talk to people (mostly me) like he has some gawddamn sense I would put his ass in a nursing home if he ever got in a position where he couldn’t care for himself (and it seems that time is quickly approaching because his short term memory sucks).
After this my dad and I stopped talking.
Neither of my parents call me and I don’t call them.
Maybe I should feel some kind of way, but I don’t feel anything. This is just shows how desensitize I have become. I don’t give a fuck anymore.