I would like to apologize to all the bisexuals who read my blog, subscribe to my blog, have come across my blog in the past and those who may find my blog in the future. I have come to see that many of my posts about bisexuals are cruel, harmful, hurtful, abusive, hateful, ignorant and bigoted. I’m writing this blog as an apology to anyone who may have been hurt by my words…
For the last 9 years I have used my platform to bash and ridicule bisexuals. This was done intentionally and with little regard for those who read my blog who may find themselves struggling with their sexual orientation. At times I was cruel and insensitive. I see that now. In my mind bisexuals were something in the “other” category and the only thing I felt for them is repulsion. My disregard for their personal struggles and feelings is shameful in hindsight.
Some of you found this blog while searching for ways to cope with and understand your sexuality. Instead of embracing you and befriending you I told you to go straight to hell. Instead of telling you I understand I made you feel different and possibly inferior.
Again, I’m sorry.
Until very recently I have not allowed myself to think or feel for those who I classified as bisexual. I see now I was wrong. Nothing triggered this newfound awakening. One day I just started thinking how cold and heartless I can be at times. I started thinking sometimes I don’t like myself and I wondered why I do and say some of things I say. Then a little voice in my head told me why…or at least why I lashed out at bisexuals.
I’ve been hurt by two bisexuals. Deeply hurt. Both changed my life in a negative way. Both changed my personality in a negative way. Both triggered a burning hatred in me that I didn’t know I was capable of feeling. Instead of directing my anger at the people who hurt me I directed it at ALL bisexuals. The venom and animosity I felt for those two women got directed at ALL bisexuals.
I should have sought some therapy. I should have done some self-reflecting years ago, but I couldn’t bring myself to do either. I was unhappy and angry for a very long time and it showed in just about everything. It showed in my relationships. It showed on this blog. It showed at work. It showed period.
I spent eights years being angry at a woman to the point where I could barely form functional relationships with women or even friends.
I see now I should have let ALL this bullshit go years ago.
I’m not making excuses for myself. Wrong is wrong. All I can do is try to do better and be more mindful of my words. The last thing I want is for some young girl who is questioning her sexual orientation to run across this blog and start feeling some type of way about herself based on some ignorant shit I wrote. I once walked in her shoes and I wished to God I had another black lesbian to guide me on my journey.
From this day forward I promise to be more mindful of my words, thoughts, and feelings.
Once again, I’m sorry.