Situationships can be tricky. I’m currently in a lesbian situationship with Dollar Bill. This means we’re fucking with no commitment. Feelings are developing but still no commitment. I live my life. She lives her life. In between there are other women in the picture both on my part and her part. Still there is no commitment from either of us.

I have to say….I’m not feeling this shit. I’m getting too old to be a fuck buddy. Plus I don’t think women in general are built for situationships. We naturally desire love, romance and commitment.

At this point in my life I actually desire a committed relationship. Situationships were fine in my twenties. However, at thirty-thirty (come Tuesday) I want and need something more in my life. I want kids. My clock is ticking. I can’t afford to sit around humoring a chick who is too damn old to give me children. I also don’t have time for women who are flaky, indifferent, and nonchalant towards me and my feelings.

I can count the number of women I’ve been seriously committed to on one hand. I can count the number I have loved on one hand. While this is better than some I still think it’s rather sad. At one point I even accepted being asexual, which I don’t believe is normal for a woman my age.

This got me wondering….how common is singledom, situationships, and forced celibacy for black lesbians? I believe it’s common. In fact, I believe it’s common for black women period.

We already know African American men aren’t shit. Niggas don’t believe in marriage, but have no issue bringing 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 etc kids into this world by just as many women. They live for situationships. So, straight black women have a choice: Date out, don’t date at all or date bullshit (i.e., African American men). SMDH.

But what about black lesbians?

I’ve already stated I don’t find the average black lesbian here in Atlanta attractive. Part of me believes my lack of relationships is because I find my dating pool so unbelievably shitty. The other part of me believes I don’t want to settle into a committed relationship with a woman who doesn’t meet my standards period. So, I settle into these situationships because they give me sex without expecting much of anything else from me.

But I’m tired of situationships.

I want something more.