Step-parents are the unappreciated suckers in the black community. No other group of people (assuming marriage is desired) is expected by default (as most black children are born out of wedlock) to be happy to raise and financially support children that are….
- Not their own
- The products of often bitter past situationships (not relationships or marriages).
- Dealing with emotional issues because their biological parent is often either not around or barely comes around let alone provides financial support.
- Disrespectful towards the step-parent because the step-parent is just that…a step parent.
- A constant reminder that their spouse was once involved with someone else and that person (assuming he or she is in the picture) will forever have a bond with their spouse.
It really is no wonder why black people aren’t getting married anymore. No sane person wants to deal with this bullshit. People who have kids don’t want to deal with other people who have kids, and people who don’t have kids don’t want to deal with people who have kids.
The people who don’t have kids find it difficult to find other black people like them who don’t have kids because morals have successfully gone to hell in the black community and it seems EVERYBODY has a babydaddy or a babymama, but none of these folks have ever been married.
There are black women who have kids who honestly believe some good-looking hardworking black man, who may or may not be childless, will come into the picture and simply accept all responsibility for her and her kids after her kids’ father(s) skipped the fuck out.
There are black men who have kids who honestly believe some good-looking hardworking black woman, who may or may not be childless, will come into the picture and simply accept him and all five of his babymamas, and his depleted monthly income.
There are black lesbians who have kids who honestly believe some black lesbian who has her shit together will simply be happy with her ready-made family and the reality that she at some point was willingly taking dick. *Side note….some of these dumbass studs do accept this…at least in Atlanta.
The only people who don’t seem to have this issue at epidemic levels is gay black men who often don’t have children at all.
This crap is mind-blowing.
Step-parents, regardless of how they feel, will always be the third wheel in their own household. Chances are they don’t get a vote in their household. Their spouse doesn’t treat their relationship like a democracy when it comes to the step-kids. Instead, the step-parent is usually supposed to take a backseat to parenting in the household when it comes to the step-kids.
If something is up between the step-parent and the step-child there is a good possibility that their biological parent in the household will take the child’s side over the step-parent. The step-parent will likely be restricted to what kind of discipline he or she can lay down….though they are expected to be FULL financial partners in the household as it relates to the step-kids.
During birthdays, graduations, proms, etc they have to take a backseat and watch their spouse and the child’s other biological parent enjoy the moment with the child. But if the step-parent does something for his or her biological children in the household but nothing for the step-children in the household he or she will likely never hear the end of it.
I honestly think we should give men and women who are willing to walk into this mess their own holiday. They deserve it. I can’t ever see myself walking into this situation and accepting responsibility for someone else’s kids. It’s just not going to happen. I would far rather be single than accept a ready-made family.
I know people who have had great step-parents, but I know far more people who have had step-parents that didn’t treat them right or ignored them all together. There are some step-parents who resent the presence of their step-kids period. My father was one of those people.
I think people take for granted basic human emotions. I don’t believe we, the people, are meant to be step-parents. It’s not a natural position that comes to most of us. It’s hard to form bonds with other human beings period. Can you imagine coming into the life of a child who is eight or nine years old and being expected to love them unconditionally and provide for them…at times when their own biological parent fails to do so?
I really don’t think it truly happens…at least not the way it happens with people and biological children or even those they adopt from birth.
Yes, we can form that bond with the child’s mother or father who we find ourselves sleeping with, but the child is a different story. The truth is for many the child is a unwanted burden. Don’t shoot the messenger….I’m just being honest.
So, recognizing all of the above I have made the conscious decision that I will never accept a woman who has children.