Does a woman sexual history matter? This is the question I ask myself whenever I meet a woman. The short answer is yes it does matter, but is there ever a situation when it’s not so black and white?
In my mid/late twenties I was arguably a hoe. I went from being a quiet one woman kind of woman who only had sex within a relationship to a woman who would fuck anything female, lesbian, with a slim waist, cute face, and a phat ass. I’m not sure what brought on this change in me. Maybe I was sowing my wild oats (assuming women go through such a thing) but I don’t regret that period in my life. Quite frankly I enjoyed being a temporary “player.”
Still, in my heart, I was never meant to be a player. I knew that when I was out there living that life. I love hard and I fall easily. I consider myself a romantic. I like wooing a woman and doing nice things for a woman. I was never meant to juggle more than one woman at the same time. Not to mention it’s financially draining and tiresome.
Given my history, I’m not sure if it’s fair to judge other women. Yet, I can’t help it.
I’m very open about my sexual history with women. I have never been with a man. It’s a fact that I’m proud of. Even during my teenage years of denial about my sexual orientation I never submitted myself to a man….because it wasn’t in my heart. Plus, I always knew I was gay. It was just a matter of me accepting it. Thankfully, that happened at ages 18/19.
When I’m pursing a woman she has the ability to turn me off completely with her sexual history alone. I think some women know this because many of them hesitate to talk about their sexual history and usually they start staring at me extra hard as if to gauge my reaction. They get this uncomfortable itchy pants look and my facial expressions probably don’t help!
I have met very few gold star black lesbians like me. Most black lesbians have been with a man. In fact, most have been with multiple men. To be honest, I wouldn’t care if a woman told me she went through a hoe phase….with other women. It’s when women disclose they went through a hoe phase with men that I raise an eyebrow.
There are a few thoughts that immediately go through my mind: Is she bisexual? Is she confused? Is she experimenting? Why did it take her sleeping with X number of men for her to come to terms with her sexual orientation? Why was there a need to sleep with men at all? Would I feel comfortable having sex with this woman given HER sexual history?
It’s sad that men are allowed to be sexually free but women are held to a different standard. A man can sleep with as many women as he wants and still live a judgement free life. He can go on to marry a decent woman (one he would never accept if she shared his sexual history) and start a family with her despite his history. If a woman makes a choice to be sexually free she has to do it discreetly or risk being called all kinds of names and shunned by family, friends, and society in general.
Unfortunately, women are also conditioned to believe a woman isn’t supposed to be sexually free. To an extent I am conditioned to think this way….but then again I think there is more to it with me and probably lesbians in general.
I am far more “forgiving” of a woman who has been sexually free with other women than I am one who has been with men. I believe this goes back to my fear of ending up with a bisexual who lies about her sexual orientation or a confused chick.
Anyway, I’m curious about your thoughts. Does a woman’s sexual history matter to you? Hit the poll below…