My life is changing at a rapid pace. Now is probably a good time to make some much needed life changing decisions.

Sapphire is set to move in with me. I helped her pack some of her stuff on Saturday. Some of her things are being put into public storage and some are being moved into my house this Saturday by a moving company. At some point, we’ll likely end up purchasing a house together and selling both my house and her loft. In the meantime, I’m looking forward to having Sapphire live next to me as my partner and soulmate. For once it seems my personal life is on track.

It’s my professional life that concerns me. I’ve been working in the insurance industry for four years, and in my gut I feel it’s time to move on to something else. I make very good money, but I’m discontent and bored. Now that I’ve made it into the middle class, and I’ve established a nice life for myself, I wonder if I can move away from the job that single-handily helped me get into this position.

I think a lot of people reading this blog will read it and think I’m stupid or crazy. I mean how do you go from being a lower (I’m not sure low is the apparent word) income earning librarian to a well paid corporate insurance underwriter and feel discontent?

It’s hard to explain, but the short answer is the work I do everyday is not full-filling. Yes, I as a single black woman bring in more money than the national median FAMILY income in this country, but it comes with a price. I feel stuck in a job I don’t love.

And to be clear, it’s not a bad job at all. I work in an office. The work is easy. My co-workers, most of them, are cool. But there is a feeling of emptiness that stays with me at this job. Most days I feel like a Zombie who is simply living day-to-day. I feel I’m too young to feel this way.

So, what does this mean? Do I want to go back to being an underpaid librarian?

My honest answer is no. I wouldn’t wish that struggle on anyone.

I can’t see myself ever being a librarian again. I love books. I love reading. However, I hate the politics that comes with a job in public service. It doesn’t help that here in my area the first thing that gets cut when times are hard is the local public library system. There are reasons people stir clear of work in public service. For the most part, I wish I would have been smart enough to do the same.

So what is next?

I don’t know. I’ve been thinking of maybe starting a non-profit that promotes literacy. I won’t get rich off of it, but if I can make a decent living teaching others to learn to read and love books I think I will be a very happy woman.

I think whatever I decide it needs to happen sooner rather than later. It’s very likely Sapphire and I will get married. Though she doesn’t need my money, I want to make sure I’m in a position to adequately support her, and our family, or at least be a good financial partner in our relationship.

Sigh….I guess we will see what the future holds.