My life has taken a drastic turn, and I couldn’t be happier. Part of me believes this was inevitable. As much as I want to get married and raise a family I must admit there is something unappealing about monogamous relationships.
It doesn’t matter how great my partner is and how happy we are together. The desire to at least fuck other attractive women begins to creep into my mind at some point. I felt this way while I was with Yellow Bone, and now I feel this way while I’m with Sapphire.
Neither of the women mentioned above did anything to make me feel this way. Realistically, they alone should have been enough for me. While I have never cheated on anyone (at least not sexually) the urge to do so is (and always has) been there. It’s just my luck that my moral compass is stronger than my sexual desires.
At some point in my relationships I become bored. I feel trapped. I start thinking about fucking other women. I won’t say I’m not satisfied because this isn’t true. I’m happy with Sapphire. I love her. All I’m saying is the desire to be with other women doesn’t seem to ever go away….even when I’m in a happy relationship. Thankfully, I no longer have to fight these desires…
- The philosophy or state of being in love or romantically involved with more than one person at the same time. Polyamory (from Greek πολύ poly, “many, several”, and Latin amor, “love”) is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the consent of all partners involved. It has been described as “consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy”.
Almost a week ago I confessed my attraction to Caribbean Queen to Sapphire. This happened while we were laying in bed one night getting ready to go to sleep. I told her the whole story of how we met at the networking event for black lesbians and how I’d been thinking about fucking her ever since.
After I poured out my heart to Sapphire I expected anger, rage, and even screaming. Instead, what I got was a long moment of dead silence with her simply staring at me.
I looked away from her mostly out of shame because I imagined she was either thinking about how to react or trying to control her emotions. Finally, she said, “I never expected you to stop being attracted to other women simply because we’re together. I’m attracted to other women too. That didn’t end because of our relationship. You can think about fucking another woman all you want. It doesn’t truly become a problem until you actually do it.”
Me: I agree.
Sapphire: I want you to be happy. I want to be happy. If you are happy then I’m happy. So, if fucking this other woman will make you happy then go for it.
I imagine the look on my face must have been something like this…
Me: What are you saying??
Sapphire: I’m saying I’m okay with you being with another woman…..as long as it’s open and honest. This means I get to meet the other woman and she has to be okay with the arrangement as well. It also means if I’m interested in another woman you have to be okay with it and you two have to be okay with each other.
I let this comment digest for a minute.
I was okay with spreading myself around to other women, but the thought of my woman engaging in the same behavior is kinda unappealing. Still, it wasn’t enough to destroy the excitement bubbling up inside of me. I honestly couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Sapphire was willing to let me have my cake and eat it too….and with that realization that frown turned into this….
I don’t know if she shares the same thoughts as me as far as monogamy is concerned, but she made my day with this agreement. I went to bed that night with the biggest grin on my face.
Tomorrow, Caribbean Queen is coming over to meet Sapphire. I spoke to Caribbean Queen candidly about the new openness of my relationship with Sapphire. Surprisingly, she doesn’t appear to have an issue with it.
I guess we’ll see how this situation works out…