In 2019 I plan to make some changes in my life. I know you’ve heard that from me before, but this time it’s out of necessity more than anything else. I’m doing it for my sanity and personal well-being.
Next year I’ll be thirty-four years old. Time sure does fly considering I started this blog when I was 24 years old. You’ve known me for almost ten years. Some of you hate me (still don’t understand why you continue to follow this blog) and some of you love me (thanks….I appreciate it). Hopefully, this new phase of my life will keep you interested enough to continue reading….
My first major change: I’m quitting my job. I’m not cut out for corporate America. I’ve held my current job for four and a half years. That’s longer than I planned to hold it. The goal was to achieve more financial success. I’ve done that. I own my home and I have a nice car. My mortgage is my only major bill. I don’t have any student loans. I don’t have anyone to support except myself. I plan to go back to librarianship. I miss being between the shelves of books and meeting some of the most interesting people I’ve ever met. This brings me to my second major change…
My second major change: I want to write the novels in my head. I have so many stories stuck in my head. I want to sit down and put them on paper. This is another reason why I’m quitting my job. When I come home from work I don’t feel like doing shit because I’m mentally exhausted. I understand why writers sometimes choose to live off the grid because that’s seemingly the only way we can remain sane while turning out our stories. Librarianship has its challenges (especially financially), but I think if I were doing something I enjoyed I wouldn’t be so damn brain-dead when I get home from work.
My third major change: I’m going to accept spinsterhood and childlessness. Yes, you read that right. I never planned to be single and childless at my age, but here I am. I’ve been depressed and upset about it for a long time. I guess I’ve reached the end of my grieving because now I’m moving towards acceptance. I don’t know which I hated more: The thought of being forever single/unmarried or the thought of being childless. I’ve decided that forever single scared me more because I never wanted to be a single mother, and I vowed if I never married I would never have children. I could have gone without having children, and been okay, but the thought of growing old alone scared me….until one day I just accepted it…and my pending fate of ending up old, alone, and in a nursing home.
My fourth major change: I want to travel more and possibly live in another country. Like a lot of Americans, I honestly think this country is going to hell and as usual it’s being caused by white men. I’m sick of some of the shit I’ve seen lately. I grew up in a small rural town where racism was common, but even those backwoods rednecks back home knew when and when not to test black people for fear they would get their ass beat. Nowadays it seems like anything goes. Political correctness has been thrown to the bushes.
My fifth major change: I plan to be a more optimistic person. For much of my adult life I have been a pessimist….always assuming the worst and never seeing anything positive in a lot of situations. I don’t know if this is because I grew up poor and witnessed a lot of bullshit in my life or what. I do know that I can have a negative disposition that can be off-putting. I want to do better. I’m going to try to think positive and hope for the best.
That’s all I got for now…